On Sunday I decided that I would have Monday off of my early morning training of Ashtanga Yoga at 6 am.
And suddenly, that same Sunday evening,
I fell on my old pattern.
1. The old pattern
From 2018 to October 2022 I felt very lost.
I felt bored and lonely.
- Yes, I had to keep up with my online business that was running decently since 2016
- Yes, I travelled here and there and it was fun
- Yes, I followed some courses of languages, of carpentry, of yoga and I learnt things, which felt good
- Yes, I got married in 2020 and felt less lonely
- And Yes, we had a daughter in 2021 and we were very busy and happy
Everything helped to be entertained and of course feel less lonely.
But still, I felt lost,
Very lost.
I felt kind of empty inside.
- Like there was no point, no purpose
- Like I didn´t know what to do, nothing was meaningful
- Like I was paying to much attention to what others did, making myself dependant on them
One thing felt very good and it was volunteering using Workaway in exchange for accomodation and food.
I did it twice, once in a house in Cahors (France) and a second one in a hostel in New Orleans (USA). Both were great experiences, I felt full of excitement and fulfilled. Something was telling me that worki was good to me, despite what I always thought that having free time, freedom and being on vacation was the best.
2. The turning point
In October 2022 I touched deep ground.
My wife, who is extremely caring, patient and understanding lost her patience.
She got mad at me because she felt guilty for my unsatisfaction with life.
In that moment I felt that I was following her plans, because I had nothing better to do.
I felt miserable.
And I made her feel miserable out of guilt.
In that same moment I decided that I could not continue that way.
I decided that I had to commit to do something that was meaningful to me. I couldn´t be just running around behind someone else´s plan.
I had two options:
- Running a hostel
- Becoming a Yoga teacher
The first one sounded too big, buying a house, starting a new renovation (we had 2 in 1 year)… it was too big in that moment.
So the decision was easy: I would become a Yoga teacher.
And I commited to it.
3. The new pattern
Ever since I commited to become a Yoga Teacher, I am practicing almost everyday.
Quickly I decided to follow a 200 Hours Yoga Teacher Training Course, which I did in January 2023 in Mysore (India), best known city in the world for Ashtanga Yoga.
There I built the habit of practicing the hard series of Ashtanga at 6:00 am and I am keeping it now, just by myself, back at home.
I feel fit.
I feel with energy, although the body can be tired and some muscles may hurt at times.
But the mind is in order.
3. Falling into the old pattern
So, as I said in the beginning, I decided to have Monday off of early morning training.
Therefore, on Sunday evening I didn´t have to go to sleep at 11 pm.
That´s why I stayed a bit longer (11:30 pm) checking Instagram.
And then wandering around.
And then, when I finally got into bed at 12, I decided to fall into another old pattern: playing chess on the telephone.
That took me again 40 more minutes.
Chess (and probably the screen) made my brain very excited, very active.
So when I turned off to sleep, I couldn´t.
I simply couldn´t.
For 2 hours.
The little one also woke up (as usual) and made me more awaken.
So I could only fall asleep at 3 am.
And I felt guilty and stupid,
For not being able to have a loooong night sleep, since I could wake up later do to the rest.
4. Conclusion
Even though waking up at 6 in the morning in order to practice around 2 hours of yoga is energy and willpower demanding,
The truth is that I become a better person.
I experienced the case for one day of falling back into the old pattern, the routine where I had nothing special to do on the next day, and all I did was just waste time in front of a screen, get nervous and even sleep less than usual.
When I have my morning practice,
Even if it´s hard and sometimes I get grumpy,
It feels very good.
I feel energized, I feel clean, strong, determined, enthousiastic.
And the day just flies.
CONCLUSION:
Keep practicing yoga everyday. It´s good for you.
For some reason, everything that I have been told about yoga and the benefits of daily practice, it´s true.
I can keep trusting it.